A: “I’m like, I’m just giving up with my mind.
I’m not okay right now, I’m really not okay, I know it, because I can’t go to sleep, and I don’t feel sleepy at all.
The only thing that make me feel ok right now is the fact that I actually know that I’m not okay, this tiny fact excite me a little because most of times I don’t really don’t know the differences.
Well usually, even when I’m not feel okay, I convince myself that I’m totally okay, and ‘not okay’ feeling it’s just A FEELING, like Dalai Lama said. If it’s only A feeling, that means it’s only color, and if it’s only a color that means you don’t have to sweat a tear of it.
But the fact is: I don’t know what I’m feeling, I can’t feel. Or maybe I can, but I’m on my denial through it.
I deny my feeling from a nonsense. A nonsense that I believes make me totally not okay and become a crap. Because I don’t want to be somebody that always brag about okay or not okay feeling, OKAY?
But because I’m trying to be okay too hard, it become totally not okay for me.
Maybe I just have to tell myself it’s okay not to be okay, and take a break, lie down, figure it out… And sleep. Right?”